THE PERCEPTION VERSUS REALITY OF SUCCESS PART 1 OF 2

I’ve been wanting to reflect on the topic of perception versus reality in the context of success for quite some time. We are conditioned to adopt certain perceptions of success, financial wealth, tradition, and happiness by the voices and influencers around us. How often have we chased other people’s timelines because on paper, that seemed like the right thing to do? At some point in time-whether it’s in our professional careers or our personal relationships--we took comfort in the surety of these perceptions, and allowed that comfort to control us. Again and again, we find that people get lost in the perception versus reality of how we define our own personal success.

THE BLESSING AND CURSE OF SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media is both a blessing and a curse. It allows us to stay connected with friends and family, provides us with our own unique platform as individuals or as a brand, and conveniently keeps us just a comment or message away from public figures and people from all over the world. On the other hand, it can distract us from our goals, create insecurities and jealousy, negatively impact our mental health, and lead to attacks and bullying. We very often hear people say, “I need a break from social media,” or, “I wish I could delete all my profiles, but I would miss that handful of friends that I enjoy connecting with.” 

While positive content can help to inspire and encourage, it can also create the reverse effect. There are people that love inspirational content, but also have moments of insecurity when comparing their lives to others. The hidden reality is that you never really know if that person with a million followers or that friend that is posting cute photos with their partner or family is truly happy. That’s where our expectations for ourselves and others can become distorted--because truthfully, we will never know what happens behind closed doors with the people we deem successful or admire. Before we judge and assume, always keep an open mind and remember, looks can be deceiving.

THE SUBCONSCIOUS SOCIAL WALL WE RARELY SEE 

Social media rarely reveals that middle layer where reality lives. We don’t often see a wall post that reads, “Why are my clients hesitant to sign off on the latest contract?” or, “How am I supposed to get my work done with my kids home all day!” or, “Am I letting my family down?” or, lastly, “Am I going to be okay financially a month from now?”  Social media is more like a bulletin board of what’s good, and less about the struggle or moments of self-doubt. We might have a generally positive week, but that week is also peppered with moments of fear, frustration, and other difficult emotions in our headspace. 

I’m not suggesting we create a social media wall of venting or complaining; what I am saying is, it’s okay to have those moments of doubt or frustration. We are human and we have our share of responsibilities and expectations. More often than not, we have someone we are accountable to, whether it’s ourselves, our parents, our partner, our children, or even our pets. It’s okay to not have all the solutions to all your problems all the time--that “good vibes only” influencer with stunning vacation pics doesn’t, either.

COMMUNICATION IS A MUST

One might ask, “How do we counter the bad and the ugly moments with some good?” I feel that people need to be willing to open up and communicate safely with their trusted circle. If we can organically talk through the adversity, fears, and challenges we encounter in our daily lives, it will at least reduce the stress and anxiety of it weighing on us. Once you openly share these moments, you’ll come to realize that you are not alone. 

Collectively, we are guilty of not doing enough real communicating. We allow a text message, a like, or a comment on social to be our form of keeping in touch. I challenge anyone reading this reflection to pick up the phone and call someone that you are thinking about. This could be a family member, a friend, or a professional contact. I can almost guarantee you, you’ll walk away rejuvenated and potentially inspired from the conversations. I can speak from experience--never underestimate the good that can come from sharing your dreams and aspirations with others. Life has a strange way of opening doors when you make others aware of your intent and desired path, and manifest it to the world. 

BE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF

Nothing curses the trajectory of a sports figure like when experts or writers say, “this athlete will be the next...” When someone is compared to an existing legend, or deemed, “the next big thing,” or, “the chosen one,” it’s a hard standard to live up to. It’s refreshing when an athlete controls their own narrative and reminds the media, “I’m not the next...I am the first…” and they insert their name. 

Looking back at our teenage years and our early 20’s, a lot of the life choices we make are based on the “shoulds” ingrained into our minds by guidance counselors, teachers, friends, our parents and influencers around us. In my world, it was not the accepted norm to pursue what we love career-wise but to do what the near future job market is demanding. Similar to the anointed athlete, we are often steered towards a predetermined future because it’s considered acceptable by society or our families. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in stability, but some of the best success stories come from individuals betting on themselves, even when the people that cared about them the most doubted their dreams and aspirations.

If I could go back in time with the knowledge I have today, I would advise my younger self to be more proactively self aware of three key things. This same advice is something I would give to someone else starting out, to help them discover and achieve their true vision of success. Be sure to check back next Monday to read part II.